If I Were a Boy

A list of things I’d do, for the joy of it.

1. I’d shave with a straight razor, or get a shave with a straight razor. I’m assuming I’ll be the type to grow a beard quickly, so there is a satisfying rasp as the stubble is shaved off. All the men I ever saw sitting back at the barbershop, getting shaved, had a look of such utter zen on their faces, that I’ve wanted to get a shave forever; even if that means having bits of shaving foam stuck behind my ears.

2. I’d scratch myself in public transport without shame; and I don’t mean I’d go straight for the crotch – being a girl, even scratching your side is unacceptable. Any sort of scratching is unacceptable, period, because girls are not supposed to itch.

3. I’d stare at boys in utter abandon, and hopefully not start any “What’re you lookin’ at?” fights.

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2 thoughts on “If I Were a Boy

  1. But FYI, getting your beard shaved with a straight razor is a very ‘ohmygodwhat ifhe’ssweeneytodd’ moment, poignantly scary. Hence Gilette DIY-for-noobs was invented.
    Public scratching is the most satisfying. Especially if it gets people to stare in a horrified way while you dopily smile.
    Staring at boys is perfectly acceptable. God save you if you look at the interesting Tee a girl is wearing. No, God will run for it.

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    1. Please. Girls are very sensible; statistically, a man staring at a girl’s chest is NOT staring at her T-shirt, so by all the laws of the universe, why should one extend the benefit of doubt? But yes, I have heard that straight razors require a rock-steady hand, and lots of patience. Yet it sounds like an epicurean process.

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